Last week, I talked about noticing. How travel, or even someone else’s travel story, can jolt us out of autopilot. And it is amazing when noticing leads to a spark which leads to movement which leads to impact.
Of course, seeing clearly – sharing your spark, even – doesn’t guarantee a smooth ride. Sometimes it only reveals just how bumpy the road is going to be.
Many years ago, I took a class called something like Smoothing the Flow. The whole idea was that if you can anticipate what’s coming, you can prepare for challenges and soften the rough edges as you go. I ended up folding that information, and my own lived experience, into a mini-course of my own. I even taught it at Harvard, for whatever that’s worth to you.
And yet, I can still get caught off guard by those times in life that feel far too much like a grown-up game of Red Light, Green Light. Those moments when you think you know the rules and you’ve done everything right to get ready. The light turns green, you take those first few steps with real confidence. You feel hopeful, optimistic, motivated.
And then…Red Light.
It happens everywhere. In families. In friendships. In jobs and projects and dreams and dinner plans. Something unexpected pops up, or someone’s mood shifts, or a piece of information arrives at the worst possible time. Suddenly the smooth path you thought you were on reveals a pothole large enough to swallow an entire car.
But, if I ever learned anything worth passing along in that mini-course, or here, it’s that those red lights are not necessarily signs that something is wrong with us. It’s not necessarily a failure of preparation, or effort, or character. Sure, sometimes we could’ve done something differently, and we gotta own that truth when it happens. But plenty of times, it’s just… life. Messy, nonlinear, poorly timed, exasperatingly real life. And we’re never gonna just glide through it, no matter how well we prepare. We’ve gotta give ourselves, and others, some grace. Be willing to feel our way along that dark, bumpy road—running into things, tripping, figuring it out as we go.
We have to get comfortable with not being perfect. Perfection doesn’t exist, for one, and striving for it sure as shoot doesn’t help anyone. What does help is paying attention, no matter what happens. The kind of steady noticing that keeps you grounded when the signals get mixed. The kind of awareness that lets you laugh, at least a little, when the universe hollers “Red Light!” right when you were finally hitting your stride. The kind of curiosity that whispers: Okay… what now?
And honestly? For all the red lights, all the green lights, and all the beautiful and bewildering moments in between, I’m grateful. There’s comfort in knowing it all exists. Because…if life is inherently bumpy, then we can start expecting bumps instead of fearing them. We can start preparing for different kinds of bumps. Because each one teaches us something. Shows us that we’re still moving. Reminds us that we’re still noticing, still learning, still playing the game.
Selina Pedi-Smith
Founder, Pellere Foundation
Beneficial. Equitable. Impact.
